Often when we feel angry or frustrated we are also, unsurprisingly very tense! One way to help our minds, bodies and emotions is to try to soften and release, even if only physically. The breath is a wonderful tool to help with this. White Eagle says:
'As you breathe in, try and imagine that you are breathing in light and life that you are not only inhaling air; you are filling every particle of your being with God’s Breath. As you do this you will naturally be freed from earthly problems because you will forget your body and for a fleeting moment be released.'
Take a few deeper breaths and let your shoulders relax, a point half way up your neck and your throat. Often there are emotions of pain trying to burst out of us, especially at the throat centre, where we want to cry or rage, and softening here physically can help us to cry rather than rage.
What lies at the heart of anger is hurt. Anger is a way of expressing that hurt. Sometimes if we can find the hurt or the fear, and release the pain of it in tears for example, we find our anger becomes more manageable or dissolves.
As well, when we find the hurt we can also find ways of responding to it. In other words, we don’t only have the option then of letting it go, but we have the option of finding appropriate words or actions to deal with what has caused the anger.
The key words here are appropriate and options—whilst anger is not understood as pain it tends to find any means of expression it can, and sometimes these are not appropriate. It can feel then as if we are getting it out, but afterwards we tend to regret the moment. When anger is not understood as pain it can seem we have no other options other than explosion.
What White Eagle means by this is not quite the same as the meaning in daily use. As well as frustration, anger can often be aroused by the feeling of not being respected; of being instead taken for granted, treated as inferior or stupid, not loved as you should be, misunderstood, not listened to etc. At such times the body-self reacts as it does to physical threat, and tries to defend itself with anger.
But there is a deeper problem here. When others seem to be disrespecting us, the tendency is to believe it—in some insecure, self-doubting part of ourselves we believe we are not worthy of respect. It is this insecurity which makes the anger worse. We cannot make others respect us. But we can respect ourselves. This is where standing up for yourself takes on a new meaning.
Building up our own self-respect can help us to get to the point where how others behave does not affect us in quite the same way—no matter how challenging they are. This building of self-respect can be done constantly, but is particularly necessary at the moment of anger. When you feel that flush of anger and aggression, try to find a moment to affirm to yourself inwardly that you are a ‘strong’, ‘wise’, ‘loving’ being (the words will vary here according to what is being challenged in you).
Take a moment now to create for yourself an affirmation of your worthiness which you can remember and repeat when you next are confronted by anger. This is standing up for yourself. The more you believe this, the less likely you are to be threatened by the opinions of others. The following is an affirmation along these lines which White Eagle gives:
'I am the centre of my universe; I am the centre of God’s life, all wisdom, love and power dwells in me.'
Although it feels as if we want others to change: to stop disrespecting us, in many ways it is within ourselves that we want the change to occur — we want to be free of our reactions to hurt, so that we can shrug it off; and so that we can sensibly and calmly decide how we want to proceed. One way to get to that point is to practise not expecting too much of others. White Eagle says:
'Do not expect too much of your brother’.
We might also say, ‘Do not expect too much of yourself’. The two are linked of course. We tend to be very self-punishing and self-blaming inwardly. So practise forgiving yourself, and not expecting too much of others. (See the page on Guilt). People are going to ‘fail’, in the same way as you seem to ‘fail’ and for the same reasons of fear and hurt.
'Remember the trials and difficulties in another person’s life which may make them irritable and sharp. Turn away wrath by gentleness and love, remembering that as you feel hurt and irritated, so may your companion feel too.'
White Eagle
Even if what makes you angry is a direct hurt by someone, often that hurt is not at all or completely to do with you. Sometimes people use situations to let out repressed anger and fear. Little things can cause out-of-proportion reactions because they remind us of other times and places, or because of other challenges which are happening in the life. Then that hurt/anger finds a release in the moment. This may also apply when you get angry yourself. ‘This strong reaction may not only be to do with me’ is a good thought to have when confronted by someone. And, similarly, is a good thought to have about your own strong reactions.
'How vital it is for us when on the spiritual path to learn to look beneath the surface and into the heart of one’s fellow traveller, to recognise the spirit and to try to understand the motive behind another’s action, and not to assume always that the motive is unkind. We should endeavour with human compassion and love to see the heart of the one who appears to be our enemy.'
White Eagle
Much anger arises out of frustration, and frustration arises out of a feeling of being powerless. Being able to say how you feel may help to reconnect you with the feeling of being in control again. However, the wrong words can make you feel worse. (You don’t really want to hurt the other person; you think you do at the time, but you are a spiritual being in essence, and that being wishes no harm.)
The right words are ones which assert your self-respect and also share your pain, without inflicting pain yourself. Having the courage not to lash out, but to say how you are feeling instead, can feel like weakness, but it isn’t: ‘I am feeling really hurt at this moment’, ‘I am feeling very put-down at this moment’, ‘I am struggling with feeling powerless at this moment’—all these statements give the other person the choice to see your humanity, to empathise, to try to understand. You are appealing to their humanity and to their spiritual being.
'…the meek belong to everything; they merge into all life. Meekness is God-power. To the one who is meek God enters; God gives him or her everything that is needed. The meek in spirit become Godlike, ‘I am in the Father and the Father is in me’ is the same thing.'
White Eagle
There are ways in which we can use the immense energy of anger positively. When you feel angry think of all those people in the world who are feeling the same at that moment, and send them understanding and love. You will be then a brilliant channel for the healing love because you understand how it feels!
Another way is to use the energy in other activities, especially physical ones. To garden ferociously, sing with gusto, scrub with vigour, write with power can transform not only the garden, but the energy itself from destructive to creative. It may take a while, but it will happen because it is the natural order of things. You are a spiritual, and thus a creative being, and it is your natural path to create, not to destroy.
'All the unruly emotions can be subdued and transmuted by the Christ within, and any passion that has been aroused, instead of injuring and destroying, goes forth instead with power to heal, to bless, to lighten the burdens of the world, manifesting amid the darkness as pure white light. Light is eternal because it forever re-creates…The negative is ever subject to the positive and is eventually absorbed into it.'
White Eagle